Tuesday, April 20, 2010

These Sleepless Nights

The idea of this post is simple - I've been having sleepless nights for five nights in a row now. No, I've not been using steroids, I'm not over-caffeinated, and I don't sleep my days out. Still I get to spend the better parts of my nights awake.

One of my friends suggested, "that's probably because there are a lot of unsettled thoughts in your mind" - it true, that my mind is always suscepted to a multitude of thoughts, a better share of them unsettled. But the kind of 'unsettledness' he talked here about, an 'emotional overload', as I put it, is neither my reason too. Emotional overloads are something that I seldom have these days, thanks to the faithful sinusoid my life follows. My mindset is usually left well in balance - no matter however high or low the crests or troughs that I get to ride are.

So it was, the cause of this insomnia that has recently been gripping me, was not easy to find. I soon became aware of the pointlessness of the search, and even, the pointlessness of knowing whatever the cause might be - I then turned to examine what these nights meant to me. Put in the simplest terms, I love these nights - love them so much that I don't exactly want to fall asleep again.

I love the sights - the pale, translucent darkeness, the calm image of the moon if present, or the placid moonlessness of the sky. And I love the myriad sounds - of the multiple fans whirring; a lonely howl of a loner wolf, the ever-present hum of the mosquitoes that haunt me in a squad that never falls below 6 in number, however hard I try; the occasional groan from the hostel-mate sleeping nearby; the music played by another mate, already fast asleep, who broke his headset and hence chooses to play it loud. I love the way it all feels.

And I love the many things I do during one of these nights. I maybe lying on my back reminiscing and reflecting. Or playing 'What Hurts the Most' for the umpteenth time - that is my favorite track recently. Or wading my way through random blogs - it was one of those nights that I found out a blog by a person that calls herself 'geek', and fell in love with it. Or doing one of great many things online or offline - no, porn and you-know-what is not exactly what I mean.

But perhaps, the most important factor that makes me want to stay awake is that, for these mighty nightly hours, I get to be ALONE.
Those who know me know, that solitude used to be, and still is, among the best of my friends - and for so long until only lately used to be the only. And lately, I had this trouble of missing my solitude a bit too much, making me feel lost even when I am supposed to have good times with my friends. That state of mind seems to have been cured now, once and for all - by staying awake at the nights, I get the time I need to spend with my best friend - and doesn't need to miss her or feel lost when I'm with my other friends who are more 'real'.

I'd say, everyone should spend a night or too sleepless - although, be careful not to get addicted to it like me. There is a lot of miracles that the Night has in store for anyone. Open your mind, and do what it directs you to do - anything from breathing deep and reminiscing, to dancing around the room naked. Be you, be the 'you' that even you didn't know.

That's all for the day. About the post on emotions, I'll come up with it probably the coming weekend. As a passing note, this post was supposed to be aired last night, at about 2:00 - unfortunately, my cellphone's browser turned me down - after typing the entire article, I was stunned to find that the 'Publish' and 'Save' buttons were not there where they were supposed to be - some kind of script-error, I guess. And hence I now get to type the entire thing all over again, now sitting in an internet-cafe cubicle.

So that's it, see you soon. Poof.

1 comment:

  1. The best thing about being alone is you get to reflect a lot on things -- things that matter, sometimes even things that don't really matter. And you're right, the stillness of the night provides a good setting for this. It's one of my addiction as well. But be sure, though, to get enough sleep.